The Politically Incorrect Sudden Break Up Saga

There is no break-up worse than the break-up when everything seems to be going all right. It is difficult for the party to be dropped the bomb to accept the fact within a short time frame. Especially when everything appears okay. E.g. Both parties spent the last few nights together having dinners, sex and clubbing before the other leaves for a business trip and to suddenly receive a sudden break up call at 1 am in the morning to check a break-up email while he is still away.

If a relationship has been going on for some time and both parties have tried to talk and discuss what is wrong, then perhaps it will be easier to move on. Of course, that is not to say that it will be much easier, but at least, both parties can say that they have done their best.

What are the possible reasons that can trigger off a sudden break up?

When a sudden break up occurs, it can be the lack of communication. Otherwise, one party is oblivious to the thoughts of the other.

The excuses used can be vague when one party suddenly wants out. E.g. Lack of connection. which is a used- to death excuse that just means “no more feelings for you”. The irony of course is, finding out where the love or emotions have gone if nothing substantial has happened in a relationship to trigger that?

Love, is definitely not equivalent to passion or lust. It is grown out of being accustomed to each other, knowing the other person well and accepting their virtues and flaws. It is something that does not go away that easily.

Below are a few possible reasons people throw sudden break up excuses (which unfortunately they will vehemently deny)

1. Having Cold Feet. Everyone has doubts when it comes to relationships because it is a great deal of work and commitment to make it happen.

2. Sometimes, one of the party, often the more eager one, rushes into a relationship, driven by pure lust. Hence, the only way to deal with people who are extremely eager for relationships is to be wary of their intentions. Their behavioural patterns are painfully obvious, nihilistic and childish. They would suddenly want you to stop seeing other people (aka dating) or demand to see you everyday. Unfortunately, these are also the people who will dump you easily when another potential lover appears. The sad fact is that people who mistake love for lust will often, more than not, repeat their mistakes over and over again because they never really understand love and relationships.

3. Two - Timing. No one wants to be accused of being a two-timer because it reflects badly on their character. Sudden break-ups can occur when one party finds someone else whom he or she thinks is a much better person for them. Hence, they either continue to see both people, or throw a sudden break up so that they can see the other more “interesting” person. More often than not, they use filmsy excuses to justify themselves such as “sorry you are not my type” or “lack of connection” or “we don’t really fit well”

4. Sudden break-ups are more difficult to explain for the initiating party because they find it harder for them to justify their actions, hence, filmsy excuses. A common shameless technique they would use is to use past actions and explain it as “hints” that the relationship is not as rosy as it is. E.g. I gave you a hint when I said you couldn’t stay over for the weekend. Though of course, the reason given at that time was that he wanted more personal space. Sometimes, they would even use the break-up behaviour of the other party to justify themselves. E.g. The reason why I cannot be with you anymore is because you are irrational. You send me angry emails and you expect me to see you again? Sudden break up people are most of the time, trying to find as many ammunition as possible to disguise their lack of appropriate reasons.

5. And then there are the liars. Liars more often than not suddenly back-tracked or changed their statements, hoping to further confuse the person who is being dropped the bomb. They would reduce the time period of a relationship e.g. from 3 months to 2 months; say things like “but I did tell you that I went to the pub by myself while you were out of town” when they never did or “I chatted to someone online 8 months ago before I met you but I never met him. Now that we are officially over, he suddenly contacted me and I decided to see him. Look, I wasn’t cheating on you when we are together! You can choose to believe me or not but this NOT the reason why I want to break up with you” Liars sometimes fall short because its hard to keep track of their lies. At one time, often at the start of the relationship, they might say that they have cease all activities to see other people e.g. chatting online. But when it’s break-up time, they would say that they have been chatting with other people when the relationship was going on. Other e.g. include, You over-stayed the last time we met. You are suppose to go back on Friday but you wanted to stay until Monday morning. Though, at the point in time, he certainly mentioned that the other person can go back on Monday morning. You can have the DVD series if you want (on one phone call) and a sms at 5am in the morning, “Bring the DVD when I see you next time.“ It is impossible to argue with liars unless you have a recording machine by your side!

Sudden break-ups are hurtful and cause the other person to feel resentful and unwanted though normally, more often than not, it is the initiative person who is the problem.

Sudden break-ups can also cause the other party to have doubts about relationships. They will more often than not, be unable to believe what the other person has said before, which are most of the time, just lies. The only way, hence, is to look out for the tell-tale signs of sudden break up persons. They are often:

1. eager to enter into relationships and sometimes make empty promises in the very early part of the relationship e.g. shall we have a holiday this December?
2. judgmental
3. give filmsy reasons in an early part of the relationship for certain behaviours
4. demanding
5. not supportive or appears to be supportive “it’s not that I don’t like you to be active in volunteer work but you know it is going to take a long time to change perceptions of...” or “I am supportive but you need to be careful not to say the wrong things and get yourself into trouble”
6. always has their own interests in mind. It’s always “I have work to do sorry”, “let’s go to this restaurant instead of the vegetarian restaurant you suggested” ,“I’m sorry but I have a drink to go to on Friday night with my expat friends and another dinner on Saturday night with them again”

The sudden break-up is most difficult to stomach because more often than not, it exposes the other party as someone who has a problem with commitment!